RSS FeedFunny how life can bust a mirror into your face once in a while to let you get a glimpse of yourself. It’s only now sinking in that the voice calling me an asshole may not have come from the car stopping at the light.
If that’s all it was I would have dismissed it as I darted left in front of it. Had it been just the asshole in the car I would have rode on blissfully on the maiden voyage of my new bike I just built. But no, at the moment I thought to ignore and crank around him, my left pedal took a chunk out of the pavement, and sent me flying up and over the bike onto my right shoulder. Then moments later realizing that me, my bike, and my water bottle were spread out in center stage of the intersection all alone except for all those cars right in the middle of their five o’clock commute home.
Right now I’m thinking that even though I collected my shit and hobbled out of the way, part of my brain is still dwelling on that spot. What the fuck was I doing out there? I am 200 pounds and have only been out on a bike maybe 5 times this year. And three of those times I’ve managed to drag the exact same parts of my body along the road, rashing then re-rashing again and again. I got hit head on by a truck a few weeks ago. And had the audacity to think that somehow I could pull off a double century by substituting a dilusional self-image for training. And despite this, for some reason I made timeand spent money to build yet another bike. Maybe I’ve been ignoring this message longer than I thought… I have now fully realized that I am definitely not who I was last year. I have let things go like a landslide. While trying to hold on to an identity that fits as well as last year’s bike shorts.
This has been by far the toughest year of my life. From my own persistant medical problems, to the loss of our son. The downward spiral of my business and then the miscarriage of our recent hopes to start again. And so much more that I could write one heck of a country song. But the point is that I am here feeling sorry for myself like an asshole. I have always believed that there is never a way to put things back the way they were. Life would be too boring if that were possible. Only an asshole would dwell on that instead of growing into life as it moves forward.
As I sit here reflecting I think that this latest crash might have been what it took to smack my brain into letting go and getting back into the here and now. My identity on the bike as a small metaphore for a larger picture.
But, metaphore or not, I really need to stop scraping my body and my bikes along the fucking pavement.
I finally got around to posting my RAAM videos
Before the race, we attempted to film part of a Volvo commercial…
Volvo commercial (attempt)
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Pre race bike inspection
RAAM Pre race bike inspection
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This the start line…
Race Across America Start (shot from my bike!)
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This is in the first hour of the race, on the bike path before they stopped us at the bridge and spaced out the teams
bike path near oceanside
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Sunrise shot…
Racing through one of seven sunrises
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Nighttime shot…
Night racing 2
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Inside the support car at night…
Night Racing
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John (our mechanic) messing around with our bikes…
John riding my and Ray’s bike at the same time
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This is Bob (our most enthusiastic team member)
Bob!!!!!
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Victory speech in Atlantic City. We had no idea that we would be speaking on stage in front of a crowd… (sorry about the video quality, I think the camera was being passed from person to person)
With the time I took off from work, I’ve been able to get back into a riding routine somewhat. There is something very soothing about bundling up and going out for a few hours solo in the winter. It just seems to block out everything else and demand more attention than warm sunny riding, effectively blocking out all my other crappy thoughts for a while. I am planning on riding through the winter again in hopes of keeping in shape for the Longest Day this June. And on that note, I am hoping for a couple of people to join us this year. A group of 6 or eight is perfect for this ride, and I already have 3 plus me. So if anyone here would be up for a double century that takes on the entire state of NJ from north to south, followed by a day or two at the beach in WIldwood, let me know. (Dan? Patrick? Emily? ..Bueller? ....Bueller?....)
Oh, and the thumb mangling thing… After yesterdays ride I cleaned up my chain the usual way. I am always careful to keep my fingers away from the cog or the front ring especially on the fixie since there is no derailer to give up a little slack as your finger gets sucked around between the teeth. When I was fourteen, I watched a fried reach down on his BMX bike to put the chain back on while he was riding. His first and middle finger went halfway around the front ring and as he yelled out in pain his face hit the road (with his hand still stuck in the bike. It really wasn’t a pretty sight, he broke his middle finger, needed stitches in both of them, and messed up his face pretty bad. That was all that was needed for me to always remember to keep my fingers clear when working on or cleaning my chain. However, in a moment when I was admiring how smoothly fixed gears spin when you really crank them up to speed, I temporarily forgot the sight of my friends bloody mangled hand. As the wheel was whirring away I grabbed the rag and thought “I’ll just slow this down and wipe the chain off at the same time…” A moment later my thumb was very abruptly stopping the wheel’s momentum with only the leverage of a 14 tooth cog.
My thumb is still attached, and luckily just punctured twice and throbbing enough to keep me awake all night. I think this experience will keep me from doing that again for at least another 20 years…
Started rebuilding a bike for my Dad Just before Christmas. It’s Spalding (I didn’t think they made bikes….actually I’m sure they don’t and it’s just some cheap thing with their name on it). Found it at a garage sale for 5 bucks in new condition but missing a crank arm. I am going to tear it apart and build it right since it was clearly built by someone making minimum wage who hates his life and his job. That would explain why the crank arm is missing completely and the brakes and shifters dont work at all.
Anyway, my idea is just to make sure it is safe and solid, and add some huge racks to the back for hauling firewood and whatnot around the campground where their RV will be all summer. I’ll probably put some sort of lighting on it and a few other handy ideas but nothing too crazy.
He may not even be able to ride it for a while anyway since he can’t even see it after his eye surgery went so badly….
I really just need something to do right now that I have some time on my hands. Lenore and I are going through what has to be the hardest thing that can happen to us as brand new parents. I wont let this blog descend into the biggest downer on the site, but Lenore gave birth to our first son Casey on Sunday morning. And it ended up being the hardest day of our lives, since the funeral service for him is following so closely (thursday morning).
This is probably not the most appropriate place to post this, but I posted the beginning of her pregnancy here and he came along with us for RAAM and has been part of everything we’ve done for the last 9 months so I just wanted to put something here on my page about him.